Dan Vs The Wild West COW-Boys of Moo Mesa
by UltimateWarriorFan4Ever
Summary: What happens when one single mysterious car accident somehow gets both Dan and Chris transported into another time? And what happens when the time they're in involves the entire 19th century Wild West alongside three certain bovipomorphic cowboys from Cowtown? There's only one thing Dan wants from out of this: REVENGE! Takes place in the beginning of the "Wild West Town" episode.


**"Dan Vs. The Wild West C.O.W.-Boys of Moo Mesa"**

**Rated T for language (mostly coming from Dan)**

**Summary: What happens when one single mysterious car accident somehow gets both Dan and Chris transported into another time? And what happens when the time they're in involves the entire 19th cenutury Wild West alongside three certain bovipomorphic cowboys from Cowtown? There's only one thing Dan wants from out of this: REVENGE!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to _Dan Vs._ or _Wild West C.O.W.-Boys of Moo Mesa_. _Dan Vs._ is owned by Dan Mandel, Chris Pearson and Starz Media and _Wild West C.O.W.-Boys of Moo Mesa_ is owned by the creator Ryan Brown. Anyway, this crossover's been on my mind for a good while and I can't wait to write it today! So here it is, a crossover between _Dan Vs_. and the _Wild West C.O.W.-Boys of Moo Mesa_! So grab your best Mountain Dew, some delicious Doritos and enjoy!**

**P.S.: This takes place in the beginning of the episode called "Wild West Town".**

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_**Chapter 1: Back In Time**_

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The sun was setting alongside an empty road somewhere in Arizona where an unknown blue vehicle was busy driving down the highway in 60 miles per hour. Of course, it was no surprise that certain vehicle belonged to a certain individual with a blue shirt covered with a buttoned-up orange shirt, brown hair, olive-colored jeans and sock-covered sandals. And he wasn't alone either.

With him of course was a short black-haired man with a soulpatch, blue jeans, black sneakers and a black shirt that had the words "JERK" emblazoned on the fabric. Together, they went by the name of Chris and Dan, the latter that had a sick obsession with revenge on the things Dan was against. So far, Dan was plotting revenge against the entire pudding company all because the grocery store Dan was visiting was all out of chocolate pudding cups. But then again, every single grocery story inside California all ran out of chocolate pudding cups as well. For some reasons unknown, Chris didn't even want to know why Dan was doing this, but he felt like he needed to drive his friend to New Jersey for heaven knows why.

"Will you step on it?" The malcontent said to Chris, "The sooner we get to New Jersey, the sooner I can get revenge on the pudding company."

Chris sighed as he turned to his friend and replied, "I would, but that means I'd be breaking the speed limit, Dan. And who in the heck would want that?"

"I would," Dan pointed to himself, "So unless if you want a cactus stuck up your ass, then you'll step on the gas right away!"

"Uhhhh, why in the heck did I even agree to drive you?" Chris sighed depressingly, "It would probably be easier if you took a plane…"

Admist in the middle of the conversation though, one of the tires immediately blew out on the vehicle, forcing both Dan and Chris to scream as the car spun around uncontrollably. Dan immediately felt his life flash before his eyes while Chris thought of nothing but food. The food that Chris would never get to have and the revenge that Dan was never gonna get, especially when the car was still spinning around.

It finally came to a stop when the car collided into a cactus, knocking both Dan and Chris unconscious in the process. All an unconscious Dan was seeing right now was pitch black darkness with an ear-piercing sound infesting the rest of his eardrums. That all finally died out when Chris's voice started ringing Dan's ears all of a sudden:

"Hey, Dan? Dan, wake up!"

The voice got close enough for Dan to open his eyes and process himself right away from what happened to them not too long ago.

"Uhhhh… what… what in the hell just happened…?" Dan said to himself.

Chris then laughed nervously as he said, "A thumbtack kinda blew our tire out and before you know it, we kinda drove into a cactus."

"Is that it?!" Dan raised his voice, "You mean to tell me that one silly tiny thumbtack wrecked our car?"

"I kinda forgot to mention about the cactus too." Chris nodded before pointing to the minorly-wrecked car.

Dan grumbled angrily as he dug into his jean pockets and pulled out his little notepad, therefore containing a list of the things he wanted revenge on:

_**Popsicles  
**__**Birds  
**__**Drinking Water  
**__**Nuns  
**__**Bronies  
**__**Todd Chrisley  
**__**Disney Channel  
**__**Arby's  
**__**New England Patriots  
**__**Mitch McConnell**_

With such intent purposes rolling deep inside him, Dan pulled out his pencil and wrote the words "Thumbtacks" under Mitch McConnell's name before putting it right back in his pockets. Dan then wandered around the scenery only to notice that there was something different, alas something missing land-wise.

"Hey Chris, what happened to the road?" Dan asked his brown-haired lackey.

"I have no idea," Chris said as he was scratching his head in confusion, "When I kinda got up from the wreck, the road was kinda gone and before you know it, we kinda ended up in a desert out of nowhere."

It took a minute for Dan to sink in the fact that there was immediately no road for both him and Chris to travel on. So all he had to do was just grin and bear it.

"Well, it can't be helped I guess." Dan shrugged.

"No problem, I got my cell phone in my pocket." Chris said as he dug out his phone from his pants, "Once a tow truck comes through, we'll be on our way to New Jersey."

When he checked his phone however, Chris was shocked to realize that there were no bars around his cell whatsoever.

"Aw crap, there's no connection." The food-eater groaned.

"Look Chris, now's not the time to panic right now," Dan said, calming his friend down, "Let's just walk through the desert and see if we can find a town that can help fix your crappy car."

"All right," Chris nodded before replying, "And it's not crappy. That car belonged to me when I was around 16 years old."

"Whatever, it's still crap!" The malcontent rolled his eyes before leaving far away from the wrecked car, with Chris following him all the way of course.

The walk around the hot sun was pretty much excruciating to say the least. It was nearly around 90 degrees at best with Chris and Dan thinking and regretting to themselves why they should've worn shorts in the first place. The pants they were wearing were stuffy as hell, making the two of them sweat bullets around their foreheads. After all, it was summer and the two of them were basically begging, hell pleading, to find a town or a city with air conditioning inside or perhaps something to sip on, like a fresh stream of water.

Chris immediately felt the heat go through his clothing, shivering in agony, "Oh man, I'm burning. Have we found a town yet?"

"Does a bear shit in the woods, Chris?" Dan sarcastically turned to his friend.

"Oh ha ha, very sarcastic of you…" rolled Chris's eyes.

The two continued to walk around the desert for another five minutes before Dan's eyes widened to see a large Western-like town far away from them.

"Look, Chris. A town!" Dan pointed out.

"Oh, thank goodness." Chris sighed in relief before examining the town he was looking at, "Um, Dan, that kinda looks a little run down."

Dan then shrugged out and said, "Who cares? As long as there's water, air and burgers, I'm in!"

The short malcontent started to hit the ground running with Chris running after his friend, albeit a bit weakly. They kept on sprinting, sprinting and sprinting until all of a sudden, they finally made it in the fascinating Wild West-styled town with the western-like buildings all over. Of course, with the one exception of a building that looked like a big beer-stein. Dan quickly ran inside while Chris looked at all of the surroundings, mostly looking up at the sign that had the town's name on it.

"Cowtown?" Chris raised his eyebrow, "Huh, never quite heard of it."

Seconds later, Chris went inside the town's local saloon where right now, his angry friend Dan was violently pounding on the counter over and over again.

"Hey service! There any service around?!" Dan shouted.

"Dan, there's no one around here!" Chris said, attempting to calm his friend down.

Dan ignored his friend anyway and continued pounding on the counter with his fists over and over again until he finally got an answer from a female voice:

"All right, all right, I'm comin'! Just settle ya cowfur for a minute."

"About frickin' time…" Dan muttered to himself.

Dan and Chris were caught by surprise when an attractive female anthropomorphic cow dressed in a light blue bustier and decked in red hair came through the door, therefore scaring and surprising both of the men with her unexpected appearance.

"AGGGH!" Yelped the two.

"What is it?" The female cow shrugged, "Is it the way I dress? Because if it is, I can go change."

Dan somehow pointed out to her and shouted, "What the hell is up with your face?!"

The female bovine broke out in a gasp, forcing her to reply offensively, "Excuse me? I always look like this! What in the heck gives you the right to talk down to me like that!"

"America gives me the right, of course! It's called freedom of speech!" Dan said, shouting to the bovine's face. "C'mon, get with the times! It's 2019!"

The attractive female bovine somehow raised her eyebrow and said, "2019? Oh honey, you got the date all wrong. You're actually in 1878."

"Sure, that's what all of you old Wild West hicks would usually say!" Dan rolled his eyes in unbelievable fashion.

Chris somehow looked at the saloon's calendar far away from his left shoulder, reminding Dan with concern, "Actually Dan, I think this is 1878."

"Yeah, right." Dan said, rolling his eyes at Chris. "Gimme a look at the calendar."

His large brown-haired assistant wasted no time grabbing the calendar off the wall and showed it to Dan, who right now was analyzing the date they were now in. There was absolutely no way they were in 1878. There couldn't be any other way they ended in 1878 in the first place.

This realization struck a chord inside Dan, forcing him to gulp and shriek out, "WE'RE IN 1878?" He then grabbed Chris by the collar and shook him out. "HOW IN THE HECK DID WE END UP IN 1878?!"

"That's a... that's a pretty good explanation." Chris embarrassingly chuckled before shrugging, "I don't know."

"I swear, you futuristic bunch really are weird people." The auburn-haired bovine chuckled, wiping up an ice cream glass.

"Oh, like YOU'RE one to talk!" Dan pointed to her angrily, "Who in the heck are you even supposed to be anyway?!"

The bartender then said nicely, "Oh, where are my manners? My name's Lily Bovine and I run this little saloon here in Cowtown. I call it Miss Lily's Tumbleweed Saloon, famous for the best-known sarsaparilla in town."

Chris's stomach soon started to rumble right away once he heard the word "sarsaparilla" ring through his ears. That was pretty much more than enough to make his mouth water out of thirst.

"Well, to be honest, I am a little thirsty." Chris patted his stomach.

"Well, why didn't ya say so," Lily smiled to Chris, "One sarsaparilla coming right up."

The obsessed food eater wasted no precious time running to the counter, where he saw Miss Lily take one of the beersteins and fill it up with some nicely fresh sarsaparilla right before she slid the glass to the counter, forcing Chris to catch it right away.

"There ya go, sweetie." Lily replied.

"Thank you so much, ma'am." Chris said, toasting to her service. "I'll tell ya, my throat's so parched."

Before Chris could attempt to drink the sarsaparilla though, Dan decided to take the glass from his friend forcing the malcontent to analyze the drink himself.

"Dan, I was about to drink that!" Chris whined to Dan.

"So... this is your world famous sarsaparilla, huh?" Dan raised his eyebrow.

"That's what it is, yeah." Miss Lily nodded.

"It looks like nasty poop water!" Dan shouted to the bartender.

Miss Lily took another offended gasp to Dan and said, "How dare you say that about my sarsaparilla! Stranger, I'll have ya know that my sarsaparilla is the heart and soul of Cowtown itself. Without my sarsaparilla, these people inside this great town wouldn't even be here without a little Southern hospitality!"

And then, just to add a little insult to injury, Dan smiled evilly as he poured down the entire glass of sarsaparilla to the wooden floor, making Miss Lily gasp even more in shock. This rude display that Dan was causing in front of his friend and bartender made Miss Lily herself scathe in pure anger.

"Tell me you didn't just do that right now." She gritted her teeth.

Dan scoffed to Lily before chuckling, "Like who on earth is gonna stop me anyway?"

But then, a voice rang out outside the saloon like, "Is there a problem goin' on here?"

It didn't take too long for both Dan and Chris to look where the voice was coming from. It was coming from three bovipomorphic cowboys who were now entering through the doors of the saloon itself. One cow was decked out in a blue-green garb, brown chaps, brown cow fur blonde hair, and a hat with the letter "M" on the top, one cow decked himself with a brownish vest, brown gloves, gray pants, brown gloves, blue cow fur and a navy blue hat with the letter "D" on top, and one cow was dressed up in a reddish vest, white chaps, yellow gloves, a light blue cowboy hat with the letter "C" on top, and was described as a "Holstein" type of cow. Their appearance was quite the presence that both Miss Lily and Chris wanted out of all of this. For Dan however, he looked quite unimpressed by the entrance of these three peace-keeping outlaws one bit.

"Oh great, this is now turning into a furry convention..." The malcontent muttered to himself.

The lead cowboy (the one with an "M" on his hat) said to Miss Lily, "You have any idea what's going on, Miss Lily?"

"Yeah, I do." Lily nodded before pointing to Dan, "This young man desecrated my sarsaparilla all over the floor."

"Well, that just won't do." The town's marshal shook his head right before approaching Dan and dwarfing him, "So, what brings you angry little man to Cowtown?"

"Little?" Dan muttered before shouting, "NO ONE CALLS ME LITTLE! WHO ARE YOU TO CALL ME LITTLE, YOU TALKING WALKING BEEF STICK?!"

The marshal dwarfed him even more before saying, "This town's marshal of course. My name's Marshal Moo Montana."

"I'm the Dakota Dude." The blue cow said, also dwarfing the unfazed Dan.

"And you can just call me The Cowlorado Kid," Cowlorado winked to the malcontent, "And you can just call us the C.O.W.-Boys of Moo Mesa, young pardner."

Dan then raised his eyebrow to Cowlorado threateningly, "Partner! I am not your partner!" Dan then pointed to Chris, "Although this big brown-haired lummox is!"

"Well, someone's a little grumpy." Cowlorado said to Moo right before looking back to Dan, "Since you're pretty much a little newcomer to this town, how about I go sing you a song to lift those little spirits of yours?"

"No!" Dan exclaimed.

"Too late!" Cowlorado replied as he quickly swung his guitar over his abdomen and started singing a country tune to him. Of course, that tune started with just a few melodic strums for several seconds all before his voice finally began to shout.

_**I'm Cowlorado. That's Kid to-**_

Was all that he could ever say right before Dan snatched Cowlorado's guitar and started smashing it to pieces over and over again a la Pete Townshend from The Who. This violent display coming from Dan forced Cowlorado Kid to react in utter shock and silence.

"My guitar!" The young Holstein cowboy cried out, "You wrecked my guitar!"

"Good, country music sucks anyway!" Dan declared to the three.

His actions weren't taking well with either Marshal Moo or Dakota Dude, who decided that enough was enough with the angry visitor.

"Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave this saloon peacefully." Marshal Moo said, looking down on Dan, "I think you've done enough harm for the day."

"Ha! And what makes you think I'm gonna do that?!" Dan said, tiptoeing to look up at Marshal Moo.

The marshal immediately crossed his arms as he looked to Dakota and said, "Dakota Dude, would you mind showing our little visitor to the door?"

"With pleasure." Dakota nodded, cracking his knuckles and standing before Dan himself.

Dan of course, was still unfazed by Dakota's towering appearance and remained to be defiant in front of the blue-furred cowboy.

"Ohhh, like I'm gonna be scared of you, you stupid little bovine smurf!" The malcontent snarled to Dakota, "I bet you don't even have the big blue balls to kick me out of this establishment. I frickin' dare you!"

This standoff managed to last a few seconds until Dan suddenly found himself being rolled like a bowling ball and bowled out of the saloon doors, straight into a pharmacy store where a big Dan-sized hole was formed in the process. Dakota Dude followed soon after, dusting his hands off while Marshal Moo Montana and Lily Bovine appeared alongside the gentle giant in no time.

"Wow, I gotta say, that's the farthest you've thrown anybody out of this saloon." Marshal Moo patted Dakota on the shoulder.

Dakota then nodded as he said, "No kidding, I definitely outdid myself this time."

"You definitely did for a record breaker." Miss Lily nodded, "Now about some sarsaparilla on the house?"

"I'm down for that!" Marshal Moo nodded as the three went back into the saloon for some drinks.

After the three re-entered the saloon, Chris exited back out of the establishment just to check on Dan, who right now was dazed and confused on what just happened to him right now.

"Hey Dan, are you alright?" Chris said to his friend, "That Dakota Dude guy bowled you pretty good."

Dan soon shook the nerves off his body and collected himself long enough for his rage and anger to build up tenfold, so much so that he immediately screamed to the western skies:

_"WILD WEST C.O.W.-BOYS OF MOO MESAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"_

**DAN VS.**

**WILD WEST C.O.W.-BOYS OF MOO MESA**

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**Ohhh, this is gonna be quite fun to do. If anyone who knows these two shows wants to help me out with the chapters, feel free to give me ideas. I could really use the help. If not, then I totally understand. Won't bother me at the slightest.**

**And if anyone asks, yes, Marshal Moo will have his famous Code of the West sayings in there as well. Just so anyone wants to find out.**

**Anyway, now that the battle lines have been drawn, how will Dan get his revenge against the C.O.W.-Boys of Moo Mesa? You'll have to find out come next chapter, because trust me, it'll be quite wild indeed! Until next time, peace out, cowboys!**


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